Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
How does one acquire holy water?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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