it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
