Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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