This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Still dying that you shit outside
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
