The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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