Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
