I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
