I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
