i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
