there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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