When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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