No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
