Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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