I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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