did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
