Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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