Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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