Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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