I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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