I want to make a zoo with you.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
