Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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