it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
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For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
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It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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