yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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