Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm getting married
To pizza
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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