Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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