Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
