I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
