God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
