I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
