I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
