omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
