i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just tell him i said nine months
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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