ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
