Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
