I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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