I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
