The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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