why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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