think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
