just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
