watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
