it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
