i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
