guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
