idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
