Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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