Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize