I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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