I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
