At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
