K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
