I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
