I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
