Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
