Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
