This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Drunk is a universal language darling
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
