She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
did you just send me my own nude
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
