i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't deserve a penis
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
