I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
