I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
