my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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