You really coming over, don't trick.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
