mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize