He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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