Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
