Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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