yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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