I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
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I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
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Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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