problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
