The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
