I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I hope mine doesn't look like that
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
