wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
