Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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