she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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