ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
