and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
