Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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