i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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