I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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