Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
